Monday, 29 October 2012

Robert Vadra: The National Damad

Dear Shri Robert Vadra ji,

I know you're in the news for corruption and tax evasion charges, but don't let that bog you down. You are bigger than that, and we are with you. And of course, there's the union cabinet to take care of that. Salman hai na? [I am guessing that in the inner party circles, he goes as son-in-law minister.
 Hee hee.]
But on a serious note, you are such an inspiration, man.
You know how everybody has their life-changing moments? Buddha had it below than Banyan tree. Newton had it when that apple fell on his head. Poonam Pandey when she realized her best talent was taking her clothes off. Similarly, mine was when i saw a sign at the airport listing out the most important people in India, the ones exempted from getting their balls cupped by CISF officers.

President. Prime Minister. Cabinet Ministers. Chief Justice. Shri Robert Vadra.
Man, this must be an order of magnitude bigger than getting AIR 1 in IITJEE,100 percentile in CAT and topping the civil services exam. In the same year.
 Mumma must be so proud.
Dude, you're such a rockstar. And i felt important when Continental airlines sent me a one-time pass to the premium lounge. What a loser.
But i guess you were destined for greatness. Your mom was of Scottish origin, and dad an Indian. Always the mark of a great man to marry a foreigner, and i guess it also fit into the whole Gandhi family theme. But clearly, if there's one thing you did well, it was getting married to Priyanka ji. Very nice lady she is, tall, charismatic, short hair and all that. While most Indian men dream of marrying a woman who can get them a crore in dowry, you went long. And how. Good job there.

Don't get me wrong, i am not like those stupid BJP walas, ranting against you. I truly adore you man. Your journey is going to inspire men and women for many centuries.
I mean, you got the airport frisking exemption even before the chiefs of our defense services. That is so FREAKING AWESOME.

Of course, you are not all about being the first-son-in-law of the country. There's more to you. Like spending time in the gym to give a complex to Salman and Hrithik. You're forty and have a six pack of abs. I am 32 and my lungs turn into the Agni missile if i dare run a kilometer. You already have a mustache. I say you should shoot for the lead role in Dabangg 2.

Oh, and i love your 1800cc motorcycle. Even my car doesn't have that many CCs. But then, the national jamai has to live in style, so it is cool. Kitna deti hai, btw?
There's so much to you. I think you are doing a great job of removing gender stereotypes that crappy shows like Balika Vadhu are creating. There the bahus spend their time cooking, looking good and taking care of the family name. Here, you are making sure you look good, while taking care of the family name. This is just so sweet. I would do chubby cheeks to you, if i could.

Along the way, you've also built yourself a business empire. Stakes in hotels, apartments all over the place, everything totaling hundreds of crores. Excellent example for unmarried budding entrepreneurs. Just one suggestion - you should consider putting up those apartments for rent. Some supplemental income never hurts.
 Awesome, man. Awesome. Very impressive.
Achha, one last thing. I hear you got a 10,000 square feet apartment in Gurgaon for 89 lakh. Boss, this is god-level bargaining skills. How did you manage? When i tried, they wouldn't sell me an apartment a tenth of that size for that much. Can you please help getting that discount? Perhaps if we find ten other people, DLF might even give us a group discount and make it even cheaper.

Chalo boss, that's it for now. Take care, keep rocking, and don't worry about Kejriwal, the BJP, or Indian people. We forgot about Bofors , we've forgotten CWG, we've forgotten 2G, we'll forget Coal G, we'll forget JIJA JI as well.

Yours Sincerely
Mango Man


Thursday, 16 August 2012

Train to Guwahati

Few days back in London when Mary Kom won Bronze medal in Olympic, whole country went gaga over her. We were quick to claim her as one of our own. It looks like that finally so called developed Indians have started realizing that India does include the 'north-eastern (NE) states'. But it was all mirages.
From past two days, thousands of fear-struck people from the north-East continue to flee southern cities like Bangalore and Pune after rumors they would be attacked in reprisal for recent ethnic violence.  There were rumors that northeastern people, who look more east Asian or Tibetan than most Indians, would be attacked after the end of the holy month of Ramadan on August 20. Isn’t surprising that just one rumor can lead to such massive exodus of northeast people. We are fail to restore confidence on north east Indian.

North East Indian Fleeing to home (Image)
This massive exodus clearly shows that northeast people feel second class citizen in their own country. Most people from NE don't refer to themselves as Indians merely because of the fact that the rest of the country doesn't see them that way. Exodus of such level is not result of just one rumor. For years, northeast people have faced racial discrimination in their own country. They are often termed as “chinky” based on their different look  in many parts of the India . From a long time, North East Indian community has been suffering insults, taunts or physical assault. The central government has always shows leniency towards these incidents.
The recent Pune attack has just made the situation worse for them. The fear that all this has generated among the people from the Northeast is understandable, considering that the police in most places prove unequal to the task when there is a mob involved in the attacks. The government must send a clear message that it stands committed to protecting those from the Northeast. It should also tell the people that the unrest in Northeast is an Indian vs foreigner issue and not a communal issue. It is high time  that politicians are severely warned that the country has had enough of vote-bank politics.

Thursday Thoughts- 5

Problems are like washing machines.
They twist us, spin us and knock us around, 
but in the end we come out cleaner, brighter and better than before.

Monday, 13 August 2012

London Olympics: Is It Just a Beginning?

London Olympics have given a cause to feel good to all Indians. This Olympic showed a set of spirited, ambitious small-towners who refused to be swept up by the hype and banked on monk-like devotion and undying hunger to serve up two silver and four bronze medals. Despite of debacles in hockey and ego fight in Tennis, India manage to deliver the best ever performance in London Olympics.
The results clearly shows that winners are emerging from the rural India. Sushil, Yogeshwar, Vijay Kumar and Mary Kom, all come from extremely poor and humble backgrounds.  If money was the answer, Gujaratis should be winning more medals. Gujarat is India’s most developed State.
The Sports Ministry alone spent a considerable sum of Rs 142.3 crore on the ‘Operation Excellence for London Olympics 2012’ or OPEX 2012 for short.
Out of the ministry's annual budget of Rs 722 crore, they spent about Rs 34 crore for hockey and boxing alone -- considered India's main sports at the Olympics. Yet, the boxing failure is a minor blip in the work in progress.
All said and done, Rio could well prove our watershed Olympics. An Indian contingent walking into the closing ceremony will no longer seem an ordeal anymore.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Thursday Thoughts - 4

You might feel worthless to one person but you are priceless to another..... Don't ever forget it.